I'm a side seat driver!

So, my original intentions were to keep up regularly with this blog, but I'm already failing at that! Unfortunately, and fortunately God has been stretching me and when he does that it is usually not easy. More responsibility and upkeep of relationships (friends and my husband once in a while!) have caused me to have very few free nights. This is a very good thing.

Lately God has been showing me how in control he is, and how I am totally and completely NOT IN CONTROL of my life! Really, its a comforting thing when you think about it. But I guess I don't think about it quite right because I am constantly finding myself side-seat driving. "Turn here, no no, you missed it, um, can we speed up please? No, now slow down."

He never does things quite like we plan does he? But in the end, looking back I know my interpretation of what he is doing now will make much more sense. Until then, I'll buckle up and be thankful that my driver is completely capable, and totally without error!

Remembering

Recently, God has began to nudge me to revisit some memories that I have really buried to protect my heart from hurting. It has stung some to go back and let myself remember, but I know that there is a deep healing that is happening because of it. I think that’s how it works, if we tuck away our wounds, they don’t really get thoroughly cleaned up and they heal kinda funny, or not at all.

Anyway, in thinking about these sweet moments, I felt that I should record them before they slip away entirely.

I can remember the day I found out I was pregnant so clearly. I was waiting for the doctor to call, I had my phone glued to my hand all day. I only left it once to go quickly to the bathroom, and in that short time, I missed the doctors call. Another message and another couple of hours later, the phone rang again. Before I answered it, I said aloud to God, “Ok, Lord. Either way, I am completely content in your timing”. I answered, and she said, “Well, Daniella, are you wondering what the test said?” , I think I said Uh-huh, and she said, ” Well, I guess a congratulations is in order.” After hanging up with her, I felt an elation that I’ve never felt in my life. Tears of joy just streamed down my face. I can honestly say it was the sweetest moment of my life so far. I just kept telling that baby that I would love it so much. Thanking God for letting me be apart of a miracle. I will never forget that moment. Sharing it with David was amazing. I had to wait almost 5 hours to tell him, which was torture! But it was worth it. I held up a “Welcome Home Daddy” sign as he walked in, he at first thought I was lying but once he realized I wasn’t, he was so happy. I have never seen him that excited before. He was literally jumping up and down, so cute!

The sickness, exhaustion, and soreness were nothing but reminders that life was growing inside of me. I would be having a hard day, and just remember that I was pregnant and just feel nothing else but complete joy.

To end this sweet and sad post, an email that I wrote to Tommy Stanley shortly after the miscarriage and his reply:

Hi Tommy,
I wanted to write you a little email to let you know something kinda special. I’m sure you’ve heard that we were pregnant with our first, and lost the baby last week.

A few weeks ago I had a dream that we had a boy. David and I have had our boy name picked out for a long time, but in the dream when David handed me the baby he told me that he named him Tommy. I said, “why did you do that we had our name picked out?” he told me that it was because Tommy Stanley is a great man to name our child after.. in the dream, we both looked at the baby and felt like his name was to be Thomas. It just fit.

When we lost the baby last week, some specialists had suggested to us that we name the baby to help us grieve and deal with the pain. David looked at me and said, “how about Thomas?” :)

I wanted to let you know you have a little angel named after you, I thought that might make you feel special.

Love you guys, hope you’re doing well,

Daniella and David

His Reply:

Daniella,
Thanks for this very thoughtful email. Stephanie and I were both in tears as we read it. I was so sorry to hear that you had lost your baby. I’m sure that it has been difficult for the both of you. I know that David’s and your hope is in the Lord and he will continue to sustain you. I count it a privilege to be included in this way in your family and in God’s way of bringing comfort to you. I am praying that you will continue to find strength in him and know the power of his resurrection in you. He never fails! Tell David hello for me.

Feeling Very Special,

Tommy

Holding you in our hearts forever, little one. -mommy

88 cents

So, today 88 cents has touched my heart. Wedged in the door of the church building this morning was a dirty envelope that read “For Haiti”, and in that envelope was 88 cents, and a 10 cent euro..

I have imagined a person, in the cold, probably not bundled up very well, walking around the Shop N Save parking lot next door, and scrounging up what they could. 88 cents that could have bought them a warm drink, 88 cents that could have gotten them a sandwich to fill their empty belly. 88 cents that cost a lot more to them, than it would to us.

What would be the equivalent for us? Would we be willing to scrounge up all that we could in the same circumstance? I want God to give me a heart like that. A heart that abandons comfort, and seeks God’s desires, like helping those hearts that are hurting in Haiti. Thank you for the 88 cents, whoever you are, your kindness brought a warmth to me on a cold cold day.

So these days...

hese days life is simple and sweet. Although we are carrying a lot of responsibility with our church, God seems to have given us a grace for it, and (most days) our burden is light. We spend a lot of time with friends who are dear to us, we love to laugh however the form may come. We love watching “The Office”, eating any type of seafood, and lying on our pillows at night and talking about our days.

These days David is stepping up in his leadership giftings and leading the students at Jubilee and working full-time as a physical therapist all around St. Louis. He loves his job and is incredible at it! I am working part-time as the new Jubilee city secretary, loving it and being stretched which is always good!

These days God has shown us that if are standing on him, our solid rock, no storm can shake us. No “power of hell, nor scheme of man can ever pluck us from his hand” I know who I am now more than I ever have. My miscarriage definitely left a wound, a wound that is still not fully healed, but I know that God wants to give me the desires of my heart.. and will! So, I’m hanging on tight to that!

Not sure if I’m just typing to myself, but that’s ok, I’m enjoyin’ it

Our first post… dun dun dun!

Well, here we sit… Just created our first blog together! We are excited to be in 2010, mostly because we got to say goodbye to 2009! 2009 was a little bit hard after 4 hospitalizations, surgery, and a miscarriage thrown in between that. But, although the year was difficult in more ways than one, here I sit, next to my husband that I admire more than I ever have, knowing that 2009 held precious moments I’ll never forget. So many people have been apart of that. I feel so blessed by the friendships God has put in our lives, I know that without some of you out there I don’t know where I’d be. There is such a protection in the community of God. I’m so thankful that I don’t have to walk alone in this life, we have people to uphold us all around.. and I get to hold hands with an incredible man so that’s kinda cool

Off to hang out with our coolest roommate ever, Dillon!

Daniella