Seeing the truth through the fog..

Lots of adjustment!! Lots of fear!! Lots of anxiety!!

Those are the things that have motivated my blog post today. I have 2 more days of work for Newfrontiers, and I've found a lot of emotion coming in with that reality. My role is changing, dramatically, and although I can feel attacked that my new role will not be as significant, God is encourage me that those thoughts are just rubbish! I have been so encouraged today by God's presence, his love and comfort he's so faithful to bring in times when we are at the end of a chapter, and scared of the next.

God has already spoken promises to me about my future as a mother, I just have to remember to hold on to that truth. Dave Holden spoke to our staff this morning about a difficult time in his life where he was unable to "join in" with meetings, conferences, etc.. What he did have, was lots of time to worship God. What a humbling thing to be removed for a season from the middle of practically advancing God's kingdom through the church, and to be reminded that we have "an audience of one"- as Dave put it. I guess in my case I'll have an audience of one and a half :-)

Looking forward every day to meeting my sweet baby girl. Dreaming about her almost every night now. Wont be long now.... For the time being, I'll keep waddling on. Here's a picture of me at 36 weeks and 1 day. I just woke up!

35 weeks.. hanging in there

Oh how I've abandoned you blogger! But, alas, the internet has just been set up in our new home and I couldn't/shouldn't be blogging from work so this is my first opportunity since the madness has slowed down to update.

We are now almost 35 weeks preggo, which seems incredibly surreal. Her room is mostly set up (pictures to come soon) and the house is feeling less like a institution of boxes and more of a home. If she were to decide to come a bit early I believe we are all ready. Physically at least, emotionally, who knows!

I have reached a new level of uncomfortable. Thank goodness for my pregnancy pillow, without it, I don't know where I'd be. :) Bending has become almost an impossible feat, but thank goodness for my husband. How some women make it through pregnancy without a helpful and loving man, I'll never know.

Last week I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. It has been a little bit less than fun to monitor my blood sugars and count my carbs, but I'll do what I can to make sure little mama is healthy.

I'll leave with some pictures of David and I with 33 week belly. Enjoy!

Getting a peek of your sweet face

2 weeks ago I had a follow-up ultrasound to measure the baby's heart, which turned out to be just fine. After the ultrasound, the tech could see I was pretty uncomfortable, and I had been waiting a while to get in, so after the 45 minutes of taking picture after picture, she said, "ok lets try to take some fun ones"- and turned the machine to 3D! I was a little freaked out at first to see her face in 3D, I've always been scared of 3D ultrasounds because they can sometimes look a little scary, but sure enough she found her face, and there she was, hand up to her little mouth. She had lots of hair, and long eyelashes (you can see in the picture)..It was hard to make out at first, but she looked so peaceful in there, which made me feel like a good mommy already because she is obviously very cozy inside of me! I'm attaching a picture of her sweet face at 27 weeks- can't wait to see it in person.

Just 5 days from moving now, and my first baby shower is this weekend. Lots to look forward to, and lots to do.. Aching back and hips are making that a little tricky, but it will all be very worth it in the end. So many different changes in my life right now, some very exciting, some scary, and some sad.

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance."

-wonder if it's ok to weep while you dance? :)

A strong baby- 26 weeks

WOW- This little lady is getting strong! Lately I've felt as if a rib might pop out with her kicks. My stomach will sometimes distort now, its crazy to watch, and even crazier that she will (before we know it) be in my arms and not in my belly. So many moments to cherish. I thought I'd write down some of my symptoms at this stage so I can remember with my later pregnancies and compare.

Stuffy nose- all the time, and I've become a great fan of breathe-right strips, on a side note, it is incredibly sexy I'm sure for David for me to have them on my nose every night, but he's never said a word. good man.

Lots of heartburn- All hail Tums. A glass of milk seems to do wonders as well.

Swelling extremedies- wedding ring came off last week. And some days my toes look like sausages. Amie Fox and I had a great laugh last week looking at them.

Tooty Fruity- needs no explanation.

Hip and back pain- to the max. I happen to already have some problems with my bones due to my Crohn's disease, so carrying out front has not helped much. What has helped is having a Physical Therapist for a husband that gives me back rubs with the drop of a hat, and a new discovery, the exercise ball! Scares the poo out of poor Libby whenever I get it out, but sure does help my hips. Can't help but quote the office whenever I'm on it. hehe

David and I bought a house this week. We are under contract, so as long as inspections, appraisal, etc go smoothly, we should be all moved in by the end of the month! God kind of placed it in our path so that we would have to deliberately side-step it in choosing to pass it up, and some other things happened that made it sort of obvious that this was the right step for us to take. God has a funny way of doing things sometimes, just when we stop looking he puts something in our path and a peace in our hearts we can't deny. What an amazing God. And A LOT of change happening, including saying goodbye all too soon to my amazing friend Amie Fox. Thank goodness for facebook and skype, I can hold her close to my heart even as she moves on to what God has for her.

MEH! Time to go pack a few boxes, who knew I'd be moving when I am 30 weeks pregnant! Wahhh!

Attaching 26 week belly picture

22 weeks- growing like crazy

Ah, how fun. As I type baby girl is kicking me, she likes to kick these days and Daddy regularly feels her too. I am starting to feel more swollen/wobbly lately which is not painful or uncomfortable enough to be too annoying, it's still kinda funny. I'm sure that will change soon.

Here's a picture of me at 22 weeks at my parent's house.

The belly is half full

20 weeks down, hopefully only 20 more to go..

Everything has become incredibly real to me these past couple of weeks. Baby girl has gotten much stronger, and her kicks and rolls are easily felt now by me. Unfortunately, when daddy tries to feel she seems to stop moving suddenly. (I think he just calms her) which I can relate to, because he also calms me.

My sister, Christina, came in town this week and helped me to register at Target and Babies R Us, which was very helpful, and another aspect that made everything feel much more real. I am dreaming a lot about what life will be like when she's here, what to do with her room, how our lives will change, and what she will look like. I've also began to pray for her to know Jesus, as it is never too early to pray for a soul to be saved. Today, I was thinking about my previous pregnancy and the sweet little life that is now with Jesus. And realizing, without that terrible experience, the little one inside of me wouldn't be joining our family. Comforting to know that God works good through the effects of sin in this world. I guess he knows what he's doing after all. What an amazing God we serve!

20+ belly picture coming soon...beware, I am much bigger this week :)

17 weeks.

So I'm starting to learn a little about the nudger inside of me. She likes to dance after I drink orange juice, she always adjusts when I adjust, and I already know she has a beautiful soul. (No reason for the last one besides that a momma just knows!) We have named her this week, unfortunately for all of you, you'll have to wait until she enters this world to know her name.. but it is a lovely name that I think she'll fit quite perfectly. David and I are tickled about having a little girl, she already has 5 outfits, the cutest socks, and a pair of shoes and I haven't bought her a thing!

CRAZY DREAMS..
I keep dreaming that I have her, and then in the middle of the dream I realize that I haven't gone full term yet, and this must be a dream! So while still in the dream I decide to enjoy her while I have the time. Last night in my dream, she could understand everything I said, although I didn't tell anyone else that because I didn't want them to know that my baby was a genius. I'd whisper in her ear that if she let her auntie hold her for a while, that we'd get to read an extra book at bedtime and she'd silently agree.. Strange dreams for sure, I think I'm just so anxious to meet her!

Baby Herrington is a............................

Watch and see....

Take a guess at baby Herrington's sex!

16 weeks and counting...

It was a cramped day with house hunting for several hours, going to a few baby stores to get a feel for what we'd like on our registry, and then browsing the internet all night in search of the perfect baby bedding... sigh. I haven't thought much yet about the nursery, as we will most likely be moving out of this little apartment before baby Herrington comes along. I will miss this place, something about it has felt like home from the first day we moved in, It holds so many memories, I'll have to lock up in my heart so I'll never forget.

Today while trying to figure out how in the world to fold up the stroller that's supposed to be incredibly easy, I had an epiphany. Holy crap! There would soon be a little one in this stroller, a little one that WE will be responsible for. It hit me, and I stood in the stroller isle with a freaked out look and tears in my eyes as David was still trying to figure out the crazy stroller! Sometimes I don't think I really understand at all what is to come.

This week I am 16 weeks pregnant. Or 4 months. Wow, seems all the fun is starting now, and besides my few mornings sick in the past few weeks, I'm actually feeling pretty great lately. Not really having too many cravings, still lots of aversions though... Only weird thing I can think of is that I cant drink enough water, I keep a glass by my side all day, all night, and when I don't get up to drink it, I dream about it, flowing water with lemon squeezed in and I inevitably wake up so thirsty I down a whole glass! (which by the way has just been wonderful for my late night trips to the potty).

Feeling nudges here and there but cant wait to KNOW without a doubt it's baby and not just a LOT of gas or my heart somehow beating in my tummy (which is what it feels like sometimes).. THE most exciting thing though, in 48 hours I will know a little more about this little stranger inside of me... I'll blog again to reveal the sex of the baby... Stay tuned...... No idea who's even reading this, but stay tuned!

I'm attaching a picture of my belly at 15.5 weeks.

The first trimester-

Blogging on my lunch break :)

I thought I'd record a bit of what's been happening lately with me and my body, as well as other life changes that seem to be occurring all around us these days.

I am now in my 14th week of pregnancy, and the bump that is my belly seems to look a little more like a baby and a little less like I ate a whole lot. (Some of you are probably thinking "it still looks like you ate a lot" but that's ok.) I am thankful to be becoming more of a chubby kid if it means this baby is growing and healthy.

This morning something amazing happened, we were in a staff meeting and I felt a little nudge from within. I haven't felt it since, but I think a momma knows, and that wasn't just gas. It was pretty awesome, I'm kinda glad I drank a huge glass of OJ and got the baby on a sugar high, it was worth it to feel that little prod.

The first trimester of this pregnancy has been a bit insane. I felt most of the time like I had my emotions under control, but good friends were there to tell me when I was being a crazy woman :) I was very sick every day, throwing up most days. The house was most of the time in shambles and my poor husband kept up mostly everything including grocery shopping and meals since I couldn't bear to smell certain foods. The past week or 2 though I've felt totally different. Not 100% but definitely feeling more like myself everyday.

David has just accepted a new job. He's so wonderful that 4 different companies were all dying to have him, which ended up working out great for him to have options and companies kept leveraging thier offers which we were not complaining about! House hunting has taken a new level of seriousness in the past month or so we'll see what God does with that!

We have another ultrasound a week from today, I'm hoping the Dr. might be able to take an educated guess on the sex of the baby. I'll post pictures next week :) Yay for celebration Midwest which was a BLAST this year, and another YAY for a family renunion and camping trip with my side this weekend.

Keep on keepin' on.. Here's baby at 10 weeks.

Seeing your heart beating.

So Thursday was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. David and I headed to our first prenatal appointment with our new OB. Everything happened too fast for me to be nervous. After we got lost in a maze of an outpatient center, we arrived 10 minutes late and paperwork was shoved at me so quickly, "write down every hospitalization and reason for it"- ha that made me laugh, I wrote "A LOT" in big letters to cover all the columns. She was rushing me to get me back to see the doctor, as soon as I handed her the paperwork and sat next to David the door opened and the nurse was there to get me, they made me pee in a cup while they sent David to ultrasound. My heart was pounding out of my chest and in the bathroom Jesus and I had a little conversation about how he better stick next to me in the next few minutes, because either way I wanted him there.
We got in the room, met the Dr, ran through a few quick details about our previous loss, and up on the table I went. Poor David was squished in the corner holding my purse. The room was too awkward for him to come around and hold my hand, although I wanted that more than anything. Since the first ultrasound was the first we'd learned we lost first baby I was a bit of a wreck. It didn't take long though, a few seconds later I hear the Dr say, "yup, you're pregnant"- (as if I didn't know that, there have been just a few subtle reminders in the past few weeks) but there it was- a little blob that was going to change my whole world. She showed us the spinal cord, the little arm that was sticking straight out as if to say "hi mom and dad", and then I saw it, the flashing light in the middle of the gummy bears body. A heart, beating. I looked at David and we both laughed with tears in our eyes. Amazing. In that second everything felt worth it, and I knew my life would never be the same. Can't wait to meet our little bear sometime around December 16th. I'll try to keep this blog updated with belly and ultrasound photos. Happy day!

I'm a side seat driver!

So, my original intentions were to keep up regularly with this blog, but I'm already failing at that! Unfortunately, and fortunately God has been stretching me and when he does that it is usually not easy. More responsibility and upkeep of relationships (friends and my husband once in a while!) have caused me to have very few free nights. This is a very good thing.

Lately God has been showing me how in control he is, and how I am totally and completely NOT IN CONTROL of my life! Really, its a comforting thing when you think about it. But I guess I don't think about it quite right because I am constantly finding myself side-seat driving. "Turn here, no no, you missed it, um, can we speed up please? No, now slow down."

He never does things quite like we plan does he? But in the end, looking back I know my interpretation of what he is doing now will make much more sense. Until then, I'll buckle up and be thankful that my driver is completely capable, and totally without error!

Remembering

Recently, God has began to nudge me to revisit some memories that I have really buried to protect my heart from hurting. It has stung some to go back and let myself remember, but I know that there is a deep healing that is happening because of it. I think that’s how it works, if we tuck away our wounds, they don’t really get thoroughly cleaned up and they heal kinda funny, or not at all.

Anyway, in thinking about these sweet moments, I felt that I should record them before they slip away entirely.

I can remember the day I found out I was pregnant so clearly. I was waiting for the doctor to call, I had my phone glued to my hand all day. I only left it once to go quickly to the bathroom, and in that short time, I missed the doctors call. Another message and another couple of hours later, the phone rang again. Before I answered it, I said aloud to God, “Ok, Lord. Either way, I am completely content in your timing”. I answered, and she said, “Well, Daniella, are you wondering what the test said?” , I think I said Uh-huh, and she said, ” Well, I guess a congratulations is in order.” After hanging up with her, I felt an elation that I’ve never felt in my life. Tears of joy just streamed down my face. I can honestly say it was the sweetest moment of my life so far. I just kept telling that baby that I would love it so much. Thanking God for letting me be apart of a miracle. I will never forget that moment. Sharing it with David was amazing. I had to wait almost 5 hours to tell him, which was torture! But it was worth it. I held up a “Welcome Home Daddy” sign as he walked in, he at first thought I was lying but once he realized I wasn’t, he was so happy. I have never seen him that excited before. He was literally jumping up and down, so cute!

The sickness, exhaustion, and soreness were nothing but reminders that life was growing inside of me. I would be having a hard day, and just remember that I was pregnant and just feel nothing else but complete joy.

To end this sweet and sad post, an email that I wrote to Tommy Stanley shortly after the miscarriage and his reply:

Hi Tommy,
I wanted to write you a little email to let you know something kinda special. I’m sure you’ve heard that we were pregnant with our first, and lost the baby last week.

A few weeks ago I had a dream that we had a boy. David and I have had our boy name picked out for a long time, but in the dream when David handed me the baby he told me that he named him Tommy. I said, “why did you do that we had our name picked out?” he told me that it was because Tommy Stanley is a great man to name our child after.. in the dream, we both looked at the baby and felt like his name was to be Thomas. It just fit.

When we lost the baby last week, some specialists had suggested to us that we name the baby to help us grieve and deal with the pain. David looked at me and said, “how about Thomas?” :)

I wanted to let you know you have a little angel named after you, I thought that might make you feel special.

Love you guys, hope you’re doing well,

Daniella and David

His Reply:

Daniella,
Thanks for this very thoughtful email. Stephanie and I were both in tears as we read it. I was so sorry to hear that you had lost your baby. I’m sure that it has been difficult for the both of you. I know that David’s and your hope is in the Lord and he will continue to sustain you. I count it a privilege to be included in this way in your family and in God’s way of bringing comfort to you. I am praying that you will continue to find strength in him and know the power of his resurrection in you. He never fails! Tell David hello for me.

Feeling Very Special,

Tommy

Holding you in our hearts forever, little one. -mommy

88 cents

So, today 88 cents has touched my heart. Wedged in the door of the church building this morning was a dirty envelope that read “For Haiti”, and in that envelope was 88 cents, and a 10 cent euro..

I have imagined a person, in the cold, probably not bundled up very well, walking around the Shop N Save parking lot next door, and scrounging up what they could. 88 cents that could have bought them a warm drink, 88 cents that could have gotten them a sandwich to fill their empty belly. 88 cents that cost a lot more to them, than it would to us.

What would be the equivalent for us? Would we be willing to scrounge up all that we could in the same circumstance? I want God to give me a heart like that. A heart that abandons comfort, and seeks God’s desires, like helping those hearts that are hurting in Haiti. Thank you for the 88 cents, whoever you are, your kindness brought a warmth to me on a cold cold day.

So these days...

hese days life is simple and sweet. Although we are carrying a lot of responsibility with our church, God seems to have given us a grace for it, and (most days) our burden is light. We spend a lot of time with friends who are dear to us, we love to laugh however the form may come. We love watching “The Office”, eating any type of seafood, and lying on our pillows at night and talking about our days.

These days David is stepping up in his leadership giftings and leading the students at Jubilee and working full-time as a physical therapist all around St. Louis. He loves his job and is incredible at it! I am working part-time as the new Jubilee city secretary, loving it and being stretched which is always good!

These days God has shown us that if are standing on him, our solid rock, no storm can shake us. No “power of hell, nor scheme of man can ever pluck us from his hand” I know who I am now more than I ever have. My miscarriage definitely left a wound, a wound that is still not fully healed, but I know that God wants to give me the desires of my heart.. and will! So, I’m hanging on tight to that!

Not sure if I’m just typing to myself, but that’s ok, I’m enjoyin’ it

Our first post… dun dun dun!

Well, here we sit… Just created our first blog together! We are excited to be in 2010, mostly because we got to say goodbye to 2009! 2009 was a little bit hard after 4 hospitalizations, surgery, and a miscarriage thrown in between that. But, although the year was difficult in more ways than one, here I sit, next to my husband that I admire more than I ever have, knowing that 2009 held precious moments I’ll never forget. So many people have been apart of that. I feel so blessed by the friendships God has put in our lives, I know that without some of you out there I don’t know where I’d be. There is such a protection in the community of God. I’m so thankful that I don’t have to walk alone in this life, we have people to uphold us all around.. and I get to hold hands with an incredible man so that’s kinda cool

Off to hang out with our coolest roommate ever, Dillon!

Daniella