Remembering

Recently, God has began to nudge me to revisit some memories that I have really buried to protect my heart from hurting. It has stung some to go back and let myself remember, but I know that there is a deep healing that is happening because of it. I think that’s how it works, if we tuck away our wounds, they don’t really get thoroughly cleaned up and they heal kinda funny, or not at all.

Anyway, in thinking about these sweet moments, I felt that I should record them before they slip away entirely.

I can remember the day I found out I was pregnant so clearly. I was waiting for the doctor to call, I had my phone glued to my hand all day. I only left it once to go quickly to the bathroom, and in that short time, I missed the doctors call. Another message and another couple of hours later, the phone rang again. Before I answered it, I said aloud to God, “Ok, Lord. Either way, I am completely content in your timing”. I answered, and she said, “Well, Daniella, are you wondering what the test said?” , I think I said Uh-huh, and she said, ” Well, I guess a congratulations is in order.” After hanging up with her, I felt an elation that I’ve never felt in my life. Tears of joy just streamed down my face. I can honestly say it was the sweetest moment of my life so far. I just kept telling that baby that I would love it so much. Thanking God for letting me be apart of a miracle. I will never forget that moment. Sharing it with David was amazing. I had to wait almost 5 hours to tell him, which was torture! But it was worth it. I held up a “Welcome Home Daddy” sign as he walked in, he at first thought I was lying but once he realized I wasn’t, he was so happy. I have never seen him that excited before. He was literally jumping up and down, so cute!

The sickness, exhaustion, and soreness were nothing but reminders that life was growing inside of me. I would be having a hard day, and just remember that I was pregnant and just feel nothing else but complete joy.

To end this sweet and sad post, an email that I wrote to Tommy Stanley shortly after the miscarriage and his reply:

Hi Tommy,
I wanted to write you a little email to let you know something kinda special. I’m sure you’ve heard that we were pregnant with our first, and lost the baby last week.

A few weeks ago I had a dream that we had a boy. David and I have had our boy name picked out for a long time, but in the dream when David handed me the baby he told me that he named him Tommy. I said, “why did you do that we had our name picked out?” he told me that it was because Tommy Stanley is a great man to name our child after.. in the dream, we both looked at the baby and felt like his name was to be Thomas. It just fit.

When we lost the baby last week, some specialists had suggested to us that we name the baby to help us grieve and deal with the pain. David looked at me and said, “how about Thomas?” :)

I wanted to let you know you have a little angel named after you, I thought that might make you feel special.

Love you guys, hope you’re doing well,

Daniella and David

His Reply:

Daniella,
Thanks for this very thoughtful email. Stephanie and I were both in tears as we read it. I was so sorry to hear that you had lost your baby. I’m sure that it has been difficult for the both of you. I know that David’s and your hope is in the Lord and he will continue to sustain you. I count it a privilege to be included in this way in your family and in God’s way of bringing comfort to you. I am praying that you will continue to find strength in him and know the power of his resurrection in you. He never fails! Tell David hello for me.

Feeling Very Special,

Tommy

Holding you in our hearts forever, little one. -mommy